Hibernating.....

We have settled into a routine of staying close to home and renewing our family bonds. After going through some very trying months last year, relationships within our family have knit themselves together again. Through much hard work and determination on all of our parts.

Many things have been put on hold while this catharsis has been taking shape. There are to be many changes in the coming months, some welcome, some not. But we have come to realize that we are a family and we can make a home anywhere as long as we are strong in each other.

So what have we been doing? I have been back at my old job as a vet tech since November. It is going well and I am feeling very fulfilled and glad. I took this semester off of college to get the job well in hand and prepare for my last semester, (I hope) The children are all busy creating their own lives and making plans. David is healing and healing relationships with us all. We are very hopeful that things are working out and happy together for the first time in a long time.

In between all the serious issues we have and are facing, we are all reading, a LOT. I am knitting and crocheting and Sophie is learning. We have watched a few good films and savored the time together.

Hopefully with the slow approach of spring we will come out of our caves, rubbing our eyes and ready to take on the challenges that this has all been preparing us for.

Seeking Balance

I wonder everyone has the same dilemma that I do. I have so many interests and things that I want to learn, that I really don't do much of anything. I mean I am always doing something, but it seems it's never done. I have so much reading I want to do, and that takes up a lot of time. I have sewing, knitting, crochet, and I want to make hemp jewelry. I am getting involved int he PTO and the Neighborhood Watch. I want to be more involved in Sophie's education as well as add to it with spiritual and herbal teachings. Not to mention my own education at RSCC, and in life, which can and will take the rest of my life. I want to be here for my older kids, here for David and be able to nurture our relationship. My spirituality is very important to me, as is being present and involved in the Pagan community. So many things.....how to balance them has always been my problem. Sometimes, I go at one thing til it's "done to death" and I "get it out of my system". And other times I flutter around all my varied interests like a bee in a flower garden, but never really getting much accomplished in any of them. Neither way is totally satisfying. I know that balance is the answer, but with so many other lives intertwined with mine, it is near impossible for me to achieve. So, I continue to work on it.

Escape.......

I have suddenly become aware of the fact that I have been spending an awful lot of time browsing through blogs and looking at different things on the web, in order to escape the difficult things that are happening in my life right now.

It is really amazing how much time you can spend on the internet and getting lost in other people's seemingly carefree lives. Of course I know that is not the case, everyone has their own issues to deal with and problems. But somehow, reading about others lives and even their problems helps me escape from mine.

Living with someone who is dealing with addiction and healing is a long and sometimes lonely life. The pain and struggle that the loved one goes through is a vicious cycle and is so hard to watch. I sometimes think I experience as much pain as he does, though of a very different kind. Now we are almost at a place that he can have some healing and even the close approximation of a cure. Dare we even think that a cure is possible? It is almost too much to comprehend, living without the daily struggle to stay in recovery. Though much of this "cure" will include the same tried and true methods of counseling, support, and constant vigilance, it is supposed to be much easier. We will see. In the meantime, dealing with the issues surrounding addiction has me paralyzed. I cannot seem to get things done for feeling constantly on guard

Words to Live By

Bohemians Stress Out Too

You know sometimes being a bohemian, or rather, living as one, can really become hard to take. The living from payday to payday, or in our case lack thereof for the past two years. The wondering where the next electric and house payment are going to come from, let alone holiday gifts and every day things that a family of six might need.

Even having such a true bohemian husband, one who can live off his wits and find nearly everything we need without stealing or buying it, doesn't make the lifestyle any easier when its cold and you are worrying about having electricity for the heat. If only we had a fireplace or wood stove.....aahhh....but no. And if we did where would we find fuel here in the city?

The "new" car we got just over two months ago, has been out of commission for nearly a month now. Has to have a new distributor, the entire thing, not just the cap, and that means a cost of $100 if we can find one used. So even if I could find a job soon, I can't get to one.

This is exasperating and so stressful. Though I am considerably less stressed now that classes are over for the semester. They don't resume until January 13, and I am considering whether I will be able to continue at this time. It really depends on whether I find a job and the hours of said job, etc. A class or two might be possible. We will just have to wait and see.

Wanderlust

Once again, I am feeling the call of the wanderlust. The gypsy blood running through my veins seems to gain strength during rough and troublesome times. I find it hard to resist the urges to take off somewhere, anywhere....I have to say a prayer of gratitude for the events and circumstances that are at this moment preventing me from doing just that. However, that does not, in itself cause my wanderlust to abate. I must find a way to satiate that part of myself, unfortunately, perhaps fortunately, it is usually done via books and now, frequently, the internet. I can travel via the proverbial armchair to any place in the world that I choose and still be here for my family. And that is what I want, I don't want to leave my family, in fact, had a gypsy wagon large enough, I would pack them all inside it and take off to parts unknown. lol Of course, I don't know how long any of us would last in such close quarters.

But honestly, I am vascillating between wanting to hunker down and hibernate the winter, which has only just begun, away, to wanting to take off and leave it all behind. I am in a state of flux, unsure where to go next with my life plans and what direction to take. It seems that no matter what, there is always something to knock the wind out of me every step of the way. I wonder sometimes how I can go on, and yet, I do and things eventually get better. So for now, I will pacify my gypsy soul with beautiful photos and literary visions of places far and away. Peace.

Happy Birthday Sophie Jane!!!

I really cannot believe that my poppet, Sophie is six years old! It just seems like such a short time ago that I was asking the Goddess for another daughter and promising to raise her in the goddess tradition if I was granted that blessing. Well, it has been six years since we were blessed by the Great Mother. Sophie is a beautiful, intelligent and independent little girl.

She is now in kindergarten and is reading and writing and doing math. She has so many friends in the neighborhood, kids of all ages, that our home is perpetually filled with the sounds of children playing.

When Sophie was born in a lovely water birth, on December 4, 2004, we could tell right away that she was an old soul. You could just see such wisdom in her eyes then, and even now sometimes, we will feel as if we are talking to a wise old grandmother when talking to her. When she was two years old, she began telling us about when she was a mother. Remembering a past life? We believe that she was, though she doesn't seem to now, but that is the way of the world. Humans seem only able to deal with one lifetime at a time.

It has been a wonderful, wild ride these pat six years with her in our lives. A most delightful joy she has brought to us. I am thankful to the Goddess everyday for giving me my little earth baby. She is truly Goddess given and Goddess blessed and has greatly blessed our lives.

Happy Birthday my poppet. I love you.

Thrifting, I miss you......

I am having severe thrifting withdrawals lately. Ever since our vehicle broke down at the first of June, I have had no opportunity or cash actually, to check out the thrifty summer finds at my favorite local haunts and flea markets. I just know I have missed out on some wonderful things. :( LOL

The lamps in the living room and the beaded

animal fringe around one of them.

A lovely set of canisters for my herbs.

A darling garden sign.....

Of course, I have not wasted any money on things that I don't really need but just loved; and I have less 'stuff' in my house than I might have had otherwise. Those are pluses, I guess.

The beautiful witch ball .....

Just to satisfy myself, I am posting a few of my favorite thrifty finds from the past. Maybe it won't be long til I can get back to my passion.

A necklace made of seeds and beans and nuts, what a lot of effort someone put into this

these gorgeous, bohemian shoes...OMG....do you love them?

And........the fabulous, bohemian patchwork suede jacket!!!

And from the flea market, my pentacle that now graces the outside upper story of Witchwood...appropriate don't you think?

My Blessings

Today I feel like counting my blessings. Though it sometimes seems that the universe is out to knock me back at every turn, taking the time to look a what I actually do have brings it all into perspective.

I am thankful that my home has become a safe haven for the children in the neighborhood. Some of whom are latchkey kids and some who just don't get the kind of care and supervision they need, for whatever reason. I am blessed to see them all playing here and enjoying the variety of fun things to do. I am blessed by having enough food to share with them when they come in hungry. I am blessed by my children having good friends to play with and learn with.

I am thankful for open minded people and especially for those who helped me learn to have an open mind. I am thankful that I am not a bigoted or racist person. I am thankful that my children are also open minded.

I am thankful for and blessed by my home, Witchwood. Where it is warm and welcoming to friends and family. Where there is always the laughter of children and something going on. It is a home filled with love, laughter, and fun. I am thankful for the bit of earth I have here, for the tomato fresh from the garden and warm from the sun. I am thankful for the sunflowers that smile at me from the kitchen table. I am thankful for the cherry tree that gave its life in last month's storm that will provide the harvest bonfire and offer a piece of itself for artists to create with. I am thankful for the grapevine that was in the cherry tree, that will provide much material for wreaths to make for the season's decorating.

I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, Sophie, who is growing so quickly and who is learning so fast about the world and her place in it. And who has no fear, she knows what she wants and goes after it, I only hope she never loses that quality.

I am thankful for my husband, David. Thankful for his support in everything that I do. He is the most wonderful man I have ever known, despite and because of the challenges he has faced in his life. We have such a strong connection and we are certain that our souls have always been together and always will be.

I am thankful for my body. Though I am still coming to terms with the changes of being in my forties.....I am thankful that my body can work hard and play hard. I am thankful for the yoga, belly dancing, hooping, and swimming. I am thankful for the nuturing and lovemaking that my body can do, and for the pleasure that my body gives me and others. I am thankful that when I look in the mirror I do not only see who I am on the outside, but also who I am on the inside, and its a pretty good person to be.

Finally, I am thankful for having art brought back into my life. For the creative flow of the Muses, for the nudge from the Goddess to create Her image in my art.

May you find many blessings in your own life today. *Peace*

Birthday Countdown....

My forty second birthday is just around the corner. I am torn between two opposing viewpoints on the subject. On the one hand, I have always loved celebrating my birthday with my family and friends. I enjoy the company, foods, and I'll be honest..the gifts. But I am having a bit of trouble with the whole 'forty-something' idea. While I have always subscribed to the age is just a number game, I am now faced with my own number, and it is giving me a little bit of grief. I look into the mirror and I see not the youthful "girl" that I feel like inside, but a mature woman. Not old looking, but definitely showing the wisdom of my years. I get incredulous looks and gasps when I am asked my age, and I have never felt the need to lie about it. So I guess I am lucky that I don't really look what most people believe 42 to look like. However, I am here to tell everyone that this IS what 42 looks like! At least for me. So, with that in mind, and with my birthday looming, I am going to be keeping it real for the next few weeks and sharing some of the things that my forties are bringing me. (I will also share some of the celebrating) Stay tuned....this ought to be interesting.

Witchwood~My Home

There are so many things that I love about my home. In the past four years since we moved into this lovely house, we have been through an inordinate amount of stress and upheaval. There were times when we were unsure if we would be able to hold onto our home here. Times even, when I thought it would be easier just to give it up and move on. But we persevered and I am happy that we did. This home is loving, warm, open to friends and family, and sometimes, community. We share and learn and grow together here. This house, Witchwood, has always been the one that the children in the neighborhood congregate to. A former resident of the neighborhood, who grew up here, told us that when she was a child, this house, with it's former resident, held an open door policy for the neighborhood children. There was always something to do and something to eat here. The same is true now, we have a number of children, along with our own three, at any given time of day. There is laughter and fun, and the house seems to smile and open itself to them all. We feel blessed that we are fortunate enough to have this home and that we can make it loving and warm, and inviting to our friends and neighbors. Hestia is alive and well at Witchwood. I leave you with these shots of some of my favorite things about my home. Witchwood.

The witch ball in the window

My porch~where so much fun and sharing takes place

The stonework that is such a big part of Witchwood,adds character

The beading from India that circles the lamp

The tire swing in the Sycamore, that has brought so much joy

The fire pit for rituals, bonfires, and s'mores!

The guitar wall hanging David made of carpet remnants in the family room

The warm red brick of the old chimney

My kitchen witch of straw David brought me from the flea market

"Old Peter" the concrete rabbit found in the woods

These are just some of the things that I love about my home. Hope you enjoyed the tour.

Is there anybody out there...?

Hey, I am beginning to wonder if there is actually anyone reading this blog any more. I have had comments from only two people since I took it off of private and I am afraid I lost some readers. So if you would, please just drop a comment letting me know that you are out there. Just to satisfy my curiosity. Thanks and blessings.

Sensuality and the Every Day~Part 2

In the summer I find many different things can be sensual, and more sensual in summer than at any other time of the year. Again, not necessarily in a sexual way, although that is always an option. I have been known to find the sexual in almost anything. lol

Swinging on a swing can be sensual. The wind blowing through my hair, drowning out other sound. if the swing is high enough, the breeze causing my blouse or skirt to wrap and slap around me.
Cool showers after being out in the hot sun. The way the heat of my skin warms the cool water as it first hits and cascades down my body is very sensual.

Eating summer fruits such as strawberries, melons, mango,and peaches can be sensual. Especially when I can leave the care of sticky face and hands and arms behind, letting the juices trickle down where they may. That is what those showers are for after all.

Walking barefoot on the breast of the Mother Earth. Whether I walk on cool green grass, rich brown earth, hot sand or stone, the heartbeat of the Mother can be felt through my feet.

Sensuality is everywhere.

The smells of summer; fresh herbs like basil, mint and lavender. Flowers such as rose, honeysuckle, and jasmine. Foods being cooked over an open fire. The rich earthy scent of a bonfire. The sweet sweat of my lover in the heat of a summer night. My daughter's hair after she's been sitting in the sun and fresh from the bath. The soft scent of clover when I lie in a carpet of it.

The sounds of summer; birdsong, from early morn til the late evening; cicadas all along the roadsides; the peep and croak of frogs on a summer night; the hum of a hummingbird's wings as it sips from feeder on the porch; the buzz of the honeybee nuzzling into the flowers in the garden; The laughter of children playing in the sprinkler. The noisy lapping of water by my dog after coming in from the heat. The soft slopping of the water against the side of the canoe, the slush of the paddle gliding through the water.

In all of these I find sensuality. What do you find sensual?

Sensuality and the Every Day~Part 1

So, I have always been a very sensual person. Everyone who knows me intimately has said as much and I really enjoy that fact. Lately, though I have been putting forth a concerted effort to bring more sensuality into my life. By sensuality I don't necessarily mean sexual things, although I do love those! Sensuality is defined as: The quality or state of being sensual; devotedness to the gratification of the bodily appetites; free indulgence in carnal or sensual pleasures; luxuriousness; voluptuousness; lewdness. While this may be true to some extent, I believe sensuality encompasses much more than this.

Some of the things I have done recently to bring more sensuality into my life begins with sleeping in the nude. I not only get to feel the cool (or warm as the case may be) sheets, but I can feel the skin of my lover and his caress as we sleep. I can feel my body and that helps me to know it and love it as the Temple of the Goddess that I believe it to be.

Recently too, David has begun brushing my hair with the wooden hairbrush, in the evenings while we watch movies. This is very sensual to he and I both. Other things that I am exploring now are: fabrics~in clothing and furnishings, sounds, nature, of course. Water~ including baths, showers, fountains, lakes, the ocean. Food~ something that I never thought could be sensual, but have found can be since I began eating vegan.

Sensuality is an important part of my life, and though it certainly can be of a sexual nature, it doesn't have to be. There are many experiences and even feelings that are sensual to me. Touch is probably the most sensual of the senses. Sensual touch is not only sexual, or even only between lovers. Touching my newborn babies was one of the most sensual things I have ever experienced. The skin of a newborn just from the womb is warm, moist and creamy with protective vernix. I enjoyed massaging this into my babies' skin after birth. Infant massage was a big part of all of their childhoods. Finger-caressing the soft fontanel on the top of their little heads was always sensual too. I have always been touchy-feely with my children. From baby wearing them in a sling carrier to breast feeding, it doesn't get much more sensual. Now with my five year old, it is brushing her long brown hair, taking the extra time to braid it and help her learn to care for it. Also bathing her, though she now does most of it herself, I enjoy putting lotion on her, post bath, as well as sunblock every morning before she heads out for another day of play in the sunshine. All very sensual to me, and I hope to her.